Happy Mother's day 2011

Life is so hectic and mechanical, running between school to day care to work. Then weekends it is running between errands to kids classes to social activities. Sometimes I feel like if only I had a remote control that can fast-forward my life to the point when kids can take care of themselves and be independent...

Other times I feel like life is so stagnant and boring. I just want to take the remote control and rewind back to the time when I was a kid. School life, college life, first years of love, first job, traveling life - always exciting. Just feel like doing all over again.

But today, I feel like pausing at this very moment. I wish life can be stand still because I will miss my kids consuming all my time when they grow older. I don't remember what I did with all my time before they were born and I don't know what I would do with all my time after they grow up.

My son gifted me with his hand prints and this beautiful poem:

" Sometimes you get discouraged
Because I am so small,
And always leave my fingerprints
On furniture and the walls.
But everyday I'm growing,
I'll be all grown up someday,
And all those fingerprints
Will surely fade away.
So here is my handprint,
Just so you can recall,
Exactly how my fingers
Looked when I was very small.

Happy Mother's Day 2011"

Lessons from a Kid

I was busy clothing-shopping at my favorite store with my son. He saw some random toy and asked me to buy it. This has become a routine for him. Everywhere we go he throws out a tantrum for toys. After buying it, the kids fight over it for the first five minutes and then its charm is gone. It is then lying around in the most irrelevant places, occupying most precious space in the tiny house that we dwell in. Finally when I am on a rare cleaning spree, it is thrown into the basement.

Toys have been mere waste of money, so this time I was very stubborn that I wasn't buying it. He began pleading - "just this one time mommy, please. This and the basket ball and that's it. I won't ask for anything else, he said. I know it is not going to be the last time he is doing this. He was quickly losing temper as I refused to buy it for him.

Firstly I wanted him to realize that he can't get everything by just throwing tantrums. Secondly I wanted him to know the value of money and that we can't afford to buy all the toys in the world. Lastly, I wanted him to know that sometimes we are not going what we want and we need the courage to face it boldly. I was doing this for his own good.

But the argument continued. He begged, screamed, cried, rolled on the floor. Seeing that nothing worked, he started attacking sentimentally. He said "if you don't buy it for me then I will never go out shopping with you again". At this point, I was also frustrated so I said "I don't enjoy going out with you either". Then he said, "I am not your friend". I said, "I don't need your friendship, I have better friends than you". He was silent for a minute and then he said, "but I want to be your friend. I don't want the toy. Can I be your friend again?"

This time I didn't know what to say. I felt choking upon words in my throat, couldn't swallow it or speak it out. Here I am trying to teach the kid "value of money" but the kid just taught me "value of friendship". Somewhere along the big argument I had forgotten my priorities (did I even have one to begin with?) But even after the cries, screams and endless tears the kid had priorities set on his mind. I felt so cheap in front of the kid.

The next day I bought the toy on my way back home. I paid 15$ - felt even cheaper now. I was eager to show it to him, I wanted to see the joy on his face. But it turned out that he forgot the whole incident and gotten past it by then. While he was excited to see the toy, he wasn't overly thrilled by it. As usual, the first five minutes the kids fought for it. Then no one cared - the pieces in the set were all over the place. And it was my turn to clean up!

Arandavan kanuku irundathellam pei

One dark winter night I was walking in a empty parking lot in a suburb area. I located my rental car easily in the huge parking lot. I have never driven this car before. Everything seemed new, the controls were in places that I was not used to. I got a little scared - how am I going to drive myself to my hotel. I somehow located a few basic controls and went around the parking lot. After a few rounds of test drives, I turned on the gps and headed towards the hotel.

The streets were dark and not much traffic during that time. After a few turns I encountered a road block; detoured my gps to route me alternately. But whichever way I went the gps was still trying to put me back on the same road that was blocked. So I decided to drive farther away and try gps-ing again hoping it will pick up an alternate route. I was on a very narrow but straight road. I saw a car long behind me. Other than that nothing else was in sight. It was pitch dark surrounded by tall trees. No signs of houses or any type of activity. The car behind approaching me. Soon he was tail gating me very closely.

I noticed I was only going at a 20mph. For some reason it felt much faster than 20. I tried to ramp up the speed a bit but I felt very shaky and he was still following me close. So I pulled over slightly on the right to allow him to pass. But instead he stopped adjacent to me and opened his door. Fear grabbed me, I was cold, yet sweating in my palms. I locked my doors immediately. He was saying something but I couldn't hear anything from the inside. I didn't dare to open the windows. I thought he was trying to get me open my car. My heart was beating rapidly, I thought I should dial 911 right away. Then he started cursing/ yelling, atleast it looked like that from inside. Oh... maybe for my slow driving. Thank god, glad that he was not an attacker. He dashed away after letting out his anger. I checked the rear view mirror, no one else was behind me. I started driving slowly.

The tall trees were dancing wildly in the strong winds. I just wanted to get out of this spooky place. But I soon came to a halt when I saw this sign: dead end. I wondered where the car in front of me could have gone. There was no other way other than making a U-turn. So I looked at the rear view mirror and slowly turned the steering wheel. I thought I saw a movement in the back seat through the mirror. My heart beat was going up again... I turned back; there was nothing. So I continued making the U-turn. My heart beat so loudly that one can actually hear it from the outside. The steering wheel was slippery due to the sweat on my palms. And then I saw the most haunted scene ever. I came to a screeching halt as I saw an empty shirt fluttering on a pole. Then someone broke into the car through the windshield. That's it I thought, whatever was following me - a kidnapper, a serial killer, a paranormal thing or may be an alien has caught me alive. I cried out as hard as I can. And then I felt some thing on my lap, the gps had fallen off the the dashboard when I hit a sudden brake. Oh by the way whose shirt was that, how did it get there? I lift my face up - it was a broken stop sign, hanging upside down and fluttering in the winds.

I burst into a heavy sob. Tears flooded down my eyes. How did I end up in this place all alone? I felt something around me, like someone was watching me constantly. What can it be in this lonely place? And then suddenly my brain decided to function. You have a phone and a gps - still in someway connected to the rest of the world; stop crying and start driving. So I drove as fast as I can (still under 40 :) until I came to a highway. Finally happy to see a lighted road and some traffic. I don't know if I was going on the correct route to my hotel but I just kept driving. Just wanted to get as far as I can from whereever I was...

Explaining "Work" to a kid

My son is very curious about "office" and what people do there. One day he asked me if people watch movies in office. Another day he said: "the airport is so big and clean, like office - right?". Another time, I told him we are going to doctor office. Then he thought office is only for doctors. So he asked if I go to see the doctor everyday.

Kids imaginations can be so wild & unbelievable. Below is funny conversation between us:

Arya: Why do you go to office everyday? What do you do there?
Me: Work
Arya: What work?
Me: I dont know, some work.
Arya: Do you have kids in office like me and Adi? What is their names?

(He thought mommy works shifts taking care of kids. During the day she works in office and evenings at home. Funny how he identified correctly that daddy works with computers)

My First R2I Scare

It was the first trip to India after our Return to India (R2I) was finalized and probably the last round trip. The next one hopefully is a one-way ticket to India. Though we visited India several times before, every trip gives a lot of different perspectives on the lifestyle there. The nosy but genuinely caring people; the scream, yell & love relations are always on my mind. Yet some incidents like the one below throw me off the boat. It may take sometime but when the waves settle down and the skies clear up, the soul always swims its way back into the boat.

We were traveling on a mofussil bus one afternoon. After a tiring few days of good food and fun, all of us dozed off as the bus started moving. A while later, maybe after I went into the deepest of deep sleeps, I was thrown forward from my seat due to a sudden brake. The brakes screeched loudly and the bus halted suddenly. A glass shattered into pieces. I woke up totally confused, shocked and hoping it was all a dream. But no it was real. The window in front of me had shattered into pieces when the bus hit a brake.

My son was sleeping on my lap with his head towards the window. Thank God we were all safe. The lady in the front had a minor bruise on her shoulder other than that everyone else were still solid. We quickly dusted off the glass pieces and moved away from the window. Meanwhile the driver continued driving amidst the noises as if the earth would stop spinning if he were to stop driving. Few passengers screamed and then he pulled over reluctantly by the road side. After seeing that no one was hurt he impatiently started the bus again. As the bus jerked through the bumpy road a few more sharp glass pieces that were dangling on the window fell down. One piece fell just two inches from my feet and the piece shattered into my sandals. Thank God we had moved away from the window by that time. Some passengers started to clean up by throwing out the glasses from the bus onto the street. Hopefully no one's tires blew out later that day. A motor cyclist wearing no helmet passed by a few seconds after one of the passengers threw out a big glass piece. Thank God his head was still one piece.

So much value for one's life! - SCARY. The driver, conductor or the passengers didn't show much reaction. Seemed like it was a day-to-day incident for them rather than a accident. Unfortunate accidents can happen anytime in any country but so much reluctance and carelessness among people is what scared me the most. Whether it was a incident or accident, it scared me so much that since my return to U.S I’ve kept myself busy. I guess that helps me keep myself still on the boat.

Explaining "marriage" to a kid

Recently we went to a wedding in India. This was the first time my kids were attending a wedding ceremony. They have never seen one before. Here is a funny conversation with my son:
Arya: What is wedding?
Me: Wedding is a marriage.
Arya: What is a marriage?
Me: It is like a birthday party. People get together, wear pretty dress, have good food and cake.
Arya: Which marriage is this?
Me: This is Indu Athai's marriage.
Arya: Yeah, but which marriage?
Me: What you mean?
Arya: Like, I had 4th birthday, Adi had 2nd birthday... Like that which marriage?
Me: !!!

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A Salute to Teachers

It was over a month since school started. All the kids have settled down except Arya. Going back a couple of months, Arya was so excited about his new school. He called it the big boys school. It gave him a grown up feel.

On the first day of school he was ready quite early - neat and trim, tucked-in shirt, well set hair and above all a smiling face. He seemed to like his classroom setting. While other kids were nervous in the new environment (some were crying), he seemed to actually like the new setting. I was happy that my son liked school right away. As he was quite comfortable, I was thinking of leaving the classroom. He started to cry as I left; I consoled myself that this was only the first day and he’ll soon adjust. The afternoon when I went to pick him up he was all smiles- no complaints.

On the second day he was sobbing in front of the classroom doors; hung on to my shoulders, shed a river of tears and pleaded to take him with me. I felt very weak as the teacher took him inside he wailed “I want to go with mommy …” I left teary-eyed that day. It was getting harder and harder to drop him off at school every day.

Days passed and after about a month and half, I was still the unlucky mom that had to tear apart from a clingy weepy child off the shoulders every morning. The weight was off of my shoulders but sunk my heart deeply for the rest of the day.

I tried all I can - rewarded stickers, took him for weekend outings, picked him up early. I tried explaining to him why schooling is important and how all kids of his age go to school happily. I even tried threatening him that I wouldn't pick him up if he were a cry-baby. In the end, I almost gave up. I found ways to cope up my mornings. Some days I came back home and took a short break before heading to work. Other days, I would divert myself into Google Reader or YouTube during the train ride. I was learning to accept this phase. Kids give us countless tears - both joyful and sorrowful ones, we just hope that the joyous moments outweigh the sorrows.

Then one day, I saw a new teacher in his class. I was worried if this new change was going to make things worse for Arya. But the next day when I dropped him there was no crying. I was surprised and the teacher explained to me that she asked him to promise her that he won’t cry anymore. Later that evening, I tried to ask him what exactly the teacher told him. He couldn’t say it correctly; all I know is that he hasn’t cried at all for the past week (Touch wood, I hope it stays that way) I know he is not doing it because he is afraid of the teacher. I also know that he is not particularly happy about going to school. But how many kids are really happy about going to school? All we want is for them to accept that it is part of life and not to stress too much about it.

Later I thought about it - for what seemed almost impossible to me as a mother, a teacher could do it magically overnight. I was amazed at the power teachers possess. They can achieve and outperform without working late hours like most of us – just simple gestures of kindness and few words of encouragement can change a kid’s world completely.

I’ll finish off here, saluting all teachers around the world that make a positive influence on their students.