This morning the train was awfully crowded. I was standing near the edge. The door was closing when two men squeezed their way through it and squishing me in. The two men sighed with relief as the train started moving. The first man(X) introduced himself to the second man (Y). As they were talking in tamil, I casually started overhearing their conversation.
X: உங்க wife என்ன பண்றாங்க? (What is your wife doing? )
Y: Home-maker ஆ இருக்காங்க. (She is a home maker)
X: ஒ! அப்பிடியா. என் wife கூட வீட்ல சும்மா தான் உட்கார்ந்திருக்கா. (Oh! is it. My wife is also sitting idly at home)
I started to think about the contraries between X and Y’s statements. Respect is in mind and it need not be in words. But when one man speaks respectfully of his wife how can the other man use such a coarse language.
The conversation continues:
Y: Do you have any kids?
X: 2 kids. One girl - 5 years and one boy - 1.5 years old. How about you?
Y: One girl – 2 years old.
Now it was even more amazing to me that X said his wife is sitting idly at home. I began wondering if managing the home and taking care of 2 kids is considered idle, then what is X’s idea of being active. The conversation still continues:
Y: நீங்க என்ன platform-la வேலை பாக்குறிங்க? (What platform you work on?)
X: Java technology
அட தூ! இதுக்கு தான் இவ்வளவு அலட்டலா? He probably doesn’t move out of his desk except for bathroom/ coffee breaks.
So if activity level is not the issue, why does he say that his wife sits idly at home - the fact that he makes money and she does not?
…to be continued….
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Cool down, Anu! Don't think all males are sadists.
ReplyDeleteNext time, when I hear chatting of women, I will overhear and pass on my comments!
Jeyachandran
No I didn't target this against all men. This is targeted towards people (both men and women) who do not show the basic respect as a human being independent of their status, what job they do, where they are from etc. I have seen this lack of basic respect with people that think very superior of themselves. Of course NOT all husbands, wives, in-laws, managers, employers, govt. officers, doctors, receptionists (and various other people we meet in our daily day lives) have this superiority attitude.
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ReplyDeleteAnu...do the translations also for the non-tamils to follow your blog :-)
ReplyDeletebtw what did you do to Vasan ....he is posting comments on your blog at 4am in the morning
ReplyDeleteahuja! "sitting summa" means "sitting idle" like us.
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ReplyDeletePrabal,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I have added the English translations.
I somehow made Vasan write good comments about my blog. Then he felt it was not ethical and deleted them :(
"sitting summa" = "sitting idle"
ReplyDeleteof course, not all men are like this; and not that women are not like this. it's true that this society associates "not earning money" with "sitting summa". i have seen many men who are so committed to their family; and i have seen some men who just treat their house like a hotel where they are the guest. they will have fun with their kids and take care of them very well, as long as kids don't cry; but when that falters, "ei anga enna panra, pilla azuvuthu paru". why is it that taking care of kids, cooking for the family, doing laundry and keeping the house clean are all associated with women and yet they are "sitting summa". im sure many men don't really mean that word "sitting summa". they simply mean that the wife is not earning. just a vocabulary problem.
there is a funny serial called "every body loves raymond", in which husband and wife get into similar conflict. wife makes a list of chores she does and puts a monetary number next to each task, which adds-up-to more than the husband makes. it's so hilarious.
it's a common belief that earning money makes you superior. you can argue all you want, but you cannot win. only way to beat it is you earn the "money". don't ask for independence. by asking for independence, you are agreeing to their superiority. show them you are independent. it's funny that if you ask women, many of them would say that they are "sitting summa" at home.
oh! by the way, i have completely stopped cooking for many years now. i just treat it as my wife's responsibility (because she's just sitting summa at home and office). once in a blue moon, i feel bad and try to cook something. you know what, it's ok if you all think im a bad husband. i will leave it as her responsibility and eat what she cooks happily.